Wednesday, 04 March 2009
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Is He Controlling/Possessive?
I think my boyfriend might be controlling/possessive, obviously.
Here are things I consider signs:
1) When I mention interacting with another male he always says he feels like he's competing, although I always tell him he's not.
2) When I'm talking to another guy I have to tell him I not only have a boyfriend, but my boyfriend and I are serious. If I don't, he'll talk about almost nothing else until I do.
3) Once I tell the male acquaintence, if I hear from him again I have to remind him, and if I don't my boyfriend will talk of almost nothing else until I do.
4) He says many people are lying to me, but I'm only half-sure of this one because he does provide what I consider evidence.
5) When we e-mail, I have to start off with "Hi Jay,", and I have to have some warm/loving signiture at the bottom, often a mirror-image of whatever his signiture was.
6) I always have to call him a pet name, I can never call him "buddy", or "dude".
7) Every time he calls me a name, or says something affectionate, I HAVE to say it back EVERY TIME.
8) I recently went a little while without saying I love him, which of course bothered him...I asked what he'd do if I didn't go back to saying it, he kept saying he didn't know, and that the question was making him uncomfortable...I decided to ask what he would not do, he said he didn't know that either...after I asked if he'd ever hit me for it.
I'm typing these things off the top of my head, so there are probably things I haven't thought of.
I plan on going to a certain college to be with him in person, but don't want to end up abused, or killed, or anything like that.
What should I do?
EDIT MADE ON 6/20: for #4, he only says males lie to me, there's only been 1 instance where he said a female is lying to me...for about 3 months we have been planning a wedding...he says he wants to know everything about me, but when i tell him about an interaction i had w/another guy, he asks why i'm telling him...1 day i told him i would appreciate it if he stopped trying to make me say affectionate things back to him every time, & he cried, accusing me of trying to be mean.
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Comments (4)
yeh.. possessive..
dont dictate your life around a guy.. ive done that too many times and wasted so much of time..it sounds cheesy and lame.. but it's true.. pursue what you want first and let all that stuff come naturally..not need to force it at such a young age..o.O uhh... He's just a little weird... JUST a little... >.>; I don't believe I've encountered anyone quite like the one you're describing... but he just seems... unique? :D -Though I think you're looking for some justifications or whatnot, I could be wrong, I kinda agree with miakafly; it's your life and you should be able to live it freely as the person you are, not as how someone else wants you to be. ...And the abuse thing... I don't think any guy should ever hit a girl, regardless of the situation (O.O except MAYBE for life or death [-_-; like she's trying to kill you... and a bit crazy...] -As to what to do, everyone should do what makes them happy... just not shortsightedly.
Well, it seems like you're happy, so I think you should just try to make it work out a little better between you guys. Don't get me wrong though, talking to him about any harboring doubts, or whatnot, is really the best alternative here. -Hope for the best! :D